Young, Fleeting Memories

Saturday, April 28, I had the opportunity to take Prom photos for 4 Prom groups - the most photography work I have ever crammed in a 4-hour period. I was completely exhausted by the time I finished with the last Prom group! But as I currently sit here finishing up my last edits for the Prom groups, I've had some bittersweet thoughts and feelings.

Firstly, I reflected much on my own high school experience, and how much of it I squandered because of my selfishness. I focused so much on how others perceived me and the people I wanted to be friends with, as opposed to focusing on how to better treat others and who my real friends were. During these Prom group photos, I saw how much fun these young couples were having with each other, and nostalgia smacked me in the face. Not the warm kind of nostalgia, but the melancholy kind because of the poor choices I made in the past, and my high school experience being hallmarked with struggle. I know that sounds a bit dramatic, but it's true!

I consider myself a very introverted person. Not like the common misconception of introversion that I live in my mom's basement and only come up into daylight to grab food from the kitchen (because that is totally untrue), but that extended social interaction really drains me. All throughout high school, I never understood that all people are wired differently - whether it be with an extroverted nature or an introverted nature. It's just the kind of personality trait people are born with, and there's not much one can do to change it. But I didn't grasp this concept until I had graduated high school and experienced living on campus for my first year of university. 

Throughout high school, I put on a facade that I was extroverted, because that's what I perceived as "being cool". I went to all the social events that I could and tried to be super energetic all the time. Consequently, I was always super worn out at the end of each day, I tried hanging out with people who weren't necessarily compatible with me, and most of all, it often left me feeling depressed. It wasn't until my senior year that I started becoming more open to uncovering my facade after realizing that I needed to change, among other things.

Because of this facade I put on, I often felt like I never had any close friends. I often felt lonely, even though I was surrounded with several "acquaintances" at school and social events. And as I took photos for these 4 prom groups, I felt all these emotions of regret and sadness come over me, amidst the fleeting laughs and conversations.

Albeit, as I sit here finishing these last edits, I still feel joy. I still feel something so heartwarming. Firstly, I'm so happy I get to capture these fleeting moments. It's one of my greatest joys as a photographer. I literally make time stand still with the click of a button, and preserve those moments in a photograph to be cherished at any time after. Secondly, I know that because of my trying times in high school that I grew much stronger and wiser. As much as I would love to go back and make choices differently, I now accept that I'd rather let it be. I mean, it's not like I could change those choices anyways! It's a fact of life that every moment I pass through can be better or worse than presently experienced. It's just my duty to accept the joy of imperfection in all moments, and try to make the best out of those moments by focusing on the positive aspects.

​Lastly, I can't make it through life by continuously looking back on poor choices and regrets. If I repeatedly dwell on the past, the beautiful moments of the present pass me unaware, and I miss out on making memories. The only moves to live a happy life are to let go of the past (because the past can't be changed!), to focus on the positive details in each passing moment, and to keep moving forward. 

Taking these Prom photos was exhausting, but rewarding. It's always an honor when others ask me to capture their happy moments. These young, fleeting memories stay alive in photographs, and I'm happy to play a part in preserving these moments.