I want to BE INSPIRED

I remember nearly six years ago when I was an active Twitter user, I tweeted something along the lines of: “I want to inspire those around me”. The desire I had was sincere - I wanted to be loved, accepted and admired - and these were pretty natural inclinations to have as a young teenager growing up in such a competitive culture around me. Back then I was also a young developing artist, searching for my voice, and I understood that the measure of any great artwork could be gauged by the effect it produced. So, subsequently at that time nearly six years ago, I began creating more video content (you can view all my video work here). Following my video-making pursuits, I began practicing photography in hopes of improving my videography, which led to me discovering an even greater passion for photography.

But that’s beside the point. My young realization of my desire to inspire those around me became a core motivation for my visual artwork during the past many years - and recently, this core motivation was challenged. I realized that by saying “I want to inspire those around me” long ago, I unknowingly began on an egocentric path where I compulsively competed for the role of “most inspirational person” against anyone who encountered my path. This core motivation ultimately left me feeling cynical and isolative. 

By saying “I want to inspire those around me”, I began seeing fellow artists and peers as competition for that imaginary “most inspirational person” position. I became so consumed with creating powerful visuals to gain attention and acceptance, that the attention and acceptance eventually became where I based a lot of my self-worth. All forms of artistic expression became an insatiable pursuit of validating my fragile self-worth instead of an introspective and invigorating activity.

Notably, the ironic part of this desire to inspire those around me was that I wouldn’t let those around me inspire me - I simply saw them as threats to my life existence, because if they were “more inspirational” than me, others would look to them for inspiration, and not me - and then I would be worthless (as I thought).

So recently, as I was pondering this egocentric path and where it led me, this piercing question plagued my mind: 

How could I have expected to be an inspiration to others when I couldn’t let others be an inspiration to me? 

I realized something needed to change, which then prompted the following question:

How can I shift this core motivation to be more conducive to living as an artist and to help maintain a truer sense of self-worth?

I recently listened to a Ted Talk given by famous actor Joseph Gordon-Levitt titled “How Craving Attention Makes You Less Creative”. He presented about how corrupt motivations can hinder an artist’s ability to maximize his or her fullest creative abilities - and specifically, Gordon-Levitt spoke about how an insatiable desire to receive attention became a hindrance to utilizing his creativity to the fullest. Instead of focusing on his personal progression as an actor, Gordon-Levitt often found himself obsessing over how audiences would react to his work via social media. He also saw his fellow co-actors/actresses as “competition” for receiving that same attention via social media. Gordon-Levitt then explained how he shifted his focus from getting attention to paying attention, which helped him to start seeing his fellow co-actors/actresses as collaborators instead of competition, which also helped Gordon-Levitt to feel true fulfillment in his artistic pursuits (I highly recommend listening to the full Ted Talk here on Spotify).

While contemplating Gordon-Levitt’s words and the questions I asked myself previously, this simple answer dawned on me: Instead of wanting to inspire others, I should want to BE INSPIRED by others. And lucky for me, after the revealing of this answer, I had many sources to look to for inspiration - and one source of inspiration in particular helped me effectively apply this new mindset. This inspiration was found in a friend named Colin.

Normally, I go photographing alone, but since I’ve been actively seeking inspiration from others, I have recently been out photographing with fellow photographers instead of by myself. So a few weeks ago, I spent an early morning in the mountains with my friends Tess and Colin. We experienced the tranquil morning by breathing in the mountain air and creating photographs with the surrounding beauty. I was photographing with 120mm film, and Colin was photographing with a digital camera (Tess was there simply for the love of nature). 

Later I developed my 120mm film from that morning and discovered that I had messed up nearly every exposure from that morning! I knew I had composed some great shots, and I was pretty bummed that the exposures were beyond repair. Then, Colin sent me his edited images from that same morning and I was stunned by the photographs he created! His images really expressed the tranquility and beauty of that morning, whereas, my images were pretty much all screwed up.

Instead of being jealous of Colin’s photographs and angry about my irreparable photographs, I decided to apply my “I want to be inspired” mindset to the situation. 

To combat my anger about my screwed-up exposures I told myself things like, “It’s OK, I still got to make memories because I was present for those same moments and experienced them with my own senses”, “There will always be more opportunities for stunning nature photographs”, and “I can learn from these exposure failures and apply these lessons in the future so I can be a better photographer”. 

And to combat my jealousy of Colin’s successes, I instead decided to celebrate his success with him - because truth be told, I truly was stunned with his photographic eye. Even though we were at the same place at the same time, Colin photographed the moment with his own perspective, and it really touched me to see the same moment with new eyes. 

Colin’s work continues to inspire me ever since that early morning trip. Here are some of my favorite photographs from his work that I draw a lot of inspiration from:

(Click here to see Colin's instagram)

Ever since this mindset change of “I want to be inspired”, I have felt so much more fulfillment in my life as an artist. I no longer feel a compulsive need for attention for my artwork. Photography has become a more introspective and refined pursuit for me, instead of it being a “means to an end” for getting instant gratification and social acceptance. My sense of self-worth is no longer based in the praise and acceptance of others. And most importantly, I no longer see those around me as threats or competition, but instead as collaborators, and more importantly, as equals. 

In this world nowadays it is so easy to envy the success of others and negatively perceive a person’s character. But, there is so much more fulfillment in life when one chooses to see the good qualities in another and chooses to celebrate the successes of others. In this attitude of being easy to inspire, one can find tranquility, acceptance, and unity in this loud, exclusive and divisive world. 

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I hope you feel inspired to want to be inspired!